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Joke of the Day

"Keep your friends close and your enemies in the trunk of your car."

"If I don't eat all of my food, it goes to waste. If I do eat all of my food, it goes to *waist*."

"Guys Trip to Vegas My wife asked me after our guys trip to Vegas if I had thought of her while I was there. Apparently, ""only to keep from coming too soon"" was not a very good answer."

"When people say ""To be honest..."", it means that up to that point they've been lying."

"I'm no racist I love black people so much I stopped tipping."

"Mickey: ok but that'll be $20 extra Goofy: Done. *Mickey puts on bow and heels*"

"I'm not the kind of guy to distance myself from anything... Far from it."

"How did the psychiatrist break his leg? He had a Freudian slip."

"What do you call a fake Sony phone? Phony"

"Damn girl, are you sandpaper? Because I want you to rub my wood."