72518

Joke of the Day

"That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off..."

"The Exorcist (1973): a child is possessed by a demon. Hilarity ensues."

"Obama's reaction to NSA scandal ""This technology means spies will never have to use windows ever again."""

"What reindeer can jump higher than a house? They all can! Houses can't jump!"

"Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming ""But dad we're goldfish"" Oh yeah, I forgot ""Forgot what?"""

"Never propose to a girl who is a professional fighter. If the engagement is canceled, she isn't leaving the ring."

"I'm 12 feet taller than my grandparents. I'm 6 feet tall and they're 6 feet under."

"Are ""authorities"" ever not "" baffled?"""

"What did Journey say to the critic as he stormed out of their concert? ""Don't stop! Be leaving!"" Just a joke I thought up the other day."

"Unless: -The house is on fire -The cops are about to kick down the door -Or you're ordering food Do NOT talk to me while I'm on the toilet"