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Joke of the Day

"I'm 12 feet taller than my grandparents. I'm 6 feet tall and they're 6 feet under."

"In the middle of a really messy divorce, I decided suicide was the only option. I just need to talk her into it now."

"Why do hot girls always go for assholes? I don't even like pegging."

"""Excuse me, do you validate parking?"" I sure do, champ. *kisses your forehead* Your parking is second to none."

"The Bible is a lot like those online Terms of Use Agreements. Everyone says they agree with it, but very few people actually read it."

"I was helping Mom with the computer and now she thinks I'm racist... All I told her to do was push ""ALT + """

"I have a lift off a colleague to work everyday, and always feel ill when we go under bridges.... I think I must have carpool tunnel syndrome."

"The first rule of relationships: You don't find out why someone was available until it's too late."

"Why are white people racist against black people? Cause they have smaller PPs lol"

"If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story."