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Joke of the Day

"Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming ""But dad we're goldfish"" Oh yeah, I forgot ""Forgot what?"""

"What do you call a loud group of Cowboys? A Reckon-ing."

"Why are schools red? You would be too if you had 7 periods a day."

"Oranges got their name from their orange juice-like flavor and orange juice-like color."

"What's the difference between jews and girl scouts? The girl scouts come back from the camp."

"Drake Bell needs to call his child Taco."

"My brother thought his vasectomy ... would keep his wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changed the color of the baby."

"I have a lot of guilt from things I've done in the past so I'm grateful Twitter allows me to focus my pent up anger on strangers."

"Gets pulled over. Cop: You know the left lane is just for passing. And you were driving in it for the past 3 miles without passing a single car. Me: Oh yeah I know, that's why we're passing the blunt."

"Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church..... They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too."