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Joke of the Day
"I recently turned 18 and got an eye test Kind of bummed I didn't get adult super vision"
Next Joke
"A boy said to his father one day, ""Dad, when I grow up I want to be a musician."" His father responded, ""I'm sorry, son, you can't have it both ways."""
"Me: [bursts into wife's meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED! Wife: Dave, I'm at wo- Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7"
"What does a parent say to their boy who keeps missing the toilet? Urine trouble."
"I told my therapist what you said and she's gonna call your therapist and you're in big trouble"
"Two peanuts where walking down the street... One was assaulted."
"""Ow that dog just nipped at me"" PEE ON IT! ""No man NO STOP THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR EVERYTHING"" I'M HERE FOR YA BUDDY!"
"My pick-up line used to be ""Hey babe, I'm a hotspot. Wanna log-on""? doesn't work anymore, now they just yell at me ""fuck off you homeless begger""."
"When is a body builder's shortest workout? During the winter Swole-stace"
"Have you heard about the insomniac polymath? She could do ALMOST everything with her eyes closed."