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Joke of the Day

"""Ow that dog just nipped at me"" PEE ON IT! ""No man NO STOP THAT DOESN'T WORK FOR EVERYTHING"" I'M HERE FOR YA BUDDY!"

"*in an interview* Me: Tell me a time when you really struggled in your previous job. Applicant: 5-7PM po. Me: Applicant: 8PM. Me:"

"What's it called when a smart girl jerks you off? A stroke of genius!"

"I used to be square but then I gave my self to a higher power... Now I'm stuck in this cubical all day"

"How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures."

"Donald trump wins miley cyrus said she would leave the country. I'll vote for him if u throw in Justin bieber too. Good way to secure the presidency"

"If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard how many hours would it take three pigs? None because the six pigs have already eaten them all."

"If I've learned anything in my 29 years, it's never admit your real age."

"Is it too much to ask for an attractive hot stalker....I mean, come on, seriously!"

"I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I'm depressed."