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Joke of the Day

"When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always ""I don't believe you."""

"Why was Hitler sent to the grocery store? He killed the juice."

"I like my women like i like my coffee Ground up in the freezer"

"Women freeze their eggs until they are ready to be a mom? Can I freeze my two year old until I'm ready?"

"What do you call a cow that will go down in history? Legendairy [From my young daughter]"

"Why are people reluctant to eat pudding that is past its expiration date? Because it is off pudding."

"What time is it? **BOOM!**"

"5yo: I want a snack. M: You can have a yogurt smoothie. 5: I NEED CHOICES! M: Ok. You can have a yogurt smoothie or you can have nothing."

"Japan won't get Fallout 4 until December 17th, but that's okay, they got the original fallout 70 years before us."

"Which stretches further, skin or rubber? Skin. It says in the bible, Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked 10 miles."