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Joke of the Day

"I'm not racist, I have black friends. Or at least I did until my dad sold them."

"Brains are awesome... I wish everyone had one."

"Answer: Wicker Chair Question: What did Elmer Fudd do when Jennifer Lawrence stood up?"

"I met a girl who said she wanted to be a mortician... ""Yeah!"" she exclaimed, ""The job market for morticians is really great right now, despite what people say about it being a dying career."""

"What do boobs and Christmas trees have in common? When you see really nice ones, you have to ask if they are real or fake"

"My office got a shredder, so now I have to buy a turtle costume to fight it on Monday. Work is hard."

"Q: What did the Dorito say to the other Dorito. A: I can't tell you it was to cheesy."

"Did you hear the tragic news about Robin Williams? He's considering a Mrs. Doubtfire sequel."

"Interviewer: ""Are you good at making snap decisions?"" *20 minutes later* Me: ""No."""

"Have you heard of that movie Gravity? I heard it was... full of suspense"