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Joke of the Day

"Women, give them an inch and they'll want all eight."

"Meeting with the father who married me and my wife for dinner tonight. I hope it's Italian I am going to ask him to pass the body of christ."

"What happened when the Ape won the door prize? He didn't take it - he already had a door!"

"The last one on the news After the protests from the taxi drivers against uber, prostitutes from all over the world started to rise against tinder"

"""If anyone has any objections, speak now or- SHES LITERALLY A BANANA Groom: IS THIS TRUE EMMA? Best man: I f'kin KNEW she bruised too easily"

"Captain Hook hated Paper Scissors Rock since he could only play Question Mark, which had no value in the game."

"Officer: I'll need to see a photo ID. Me: (pulling out a selfie at an R.E.M. concert) That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight."

"When I open the Sriracha and a bunch squirts out on its own I tell it that it's okay, it happens to a lot of hot sauces."

"Lost airport chameleon finally found after hiding in plane site"

"A man goes to the gas station ... and ask the guy who works there: ""How much does 1 drop of gas cost me?"" The boy stumbles: ""Well euhm ... nothing I guess."" ""Thanks, I'll have 2 million drops then"""