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Joke of the Day
"Women, give them an inch and they'll want all eight."
Next Joke
"Did you see that blind guy walking down the street? No? Well he didn't see you either."
"If a guy says you're hot, he's looking at your body. If he says you're pretty, he's looking at your face... If he says you're fabulous, he's looking at your brother"
"Everybody's getting Oreos with their Christmas cards this year. Related: Don't eat cookies while you're licking envelopes."
"Working hard at building up my self confidence! (that's what I named my new Lego set)"
"If your wife says ""what would you do without me?"" ""Live happily ever after"" is NOT the correct answer."
"I was in chemistry class with my lab partner... ...and asked him if he wanted some sodium bromide, but to my disappointment, he said NaBro"
"I debated suicide... I debated suicide by sudoku once. I wanted my death to count."
"No pants were worn during the making of this tweet."
"Finally, I got the model wife I always wanted Unfortunately she's a plus size model"