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Joke of the Day

"My favorite Yakov Smirnoff joke about the good old USSR. In America you find the party. In Russia the party finds you. Edit: in reference to the soviet party"

"What do you call a special kid's computer? (Xpost - r/imgoingtohellforthis) System of a Down"

"Just saw a commercial for ""affordable napkins"" and now I feel stupid for buying all these diamond-encrusted ones."

"What is six inches long and stiff in the morning? Crib death."

"My uncle Robert was a shit ventriloquist He used to stick his hand up my arse and tell me to say nothing"

"Me: he's cute, how old is he? Guy: 25 months Me: first kid? Guy: yeah, how'd you know? Me: because you didn't say ""he's 2"""

"My friend Herbert recently died from an overdose of weedkiller. The cause of death was determined to be Herbicide."

"When is a letter damp? When it has postage due (dew)."

"Don't you hate it when you punch up the fuckline?"

"It's funny how if you are a minority and commit a mass murder, you are either a terrorist, thug, or an illegal, but if you are white, then you have a mental disorder and misunderstood!"