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Joke of the Day

"Me: he's cute, how old is he? Guy: 25 months Me: first kid? Guy: yeah, how'd you know? Me: because you didn't say ""he's 2"""

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping all day."

"A midget psychic escaped prison today... Authorities claim there's a small medium at large."

"How did the pirate fix the hole in his pants? He used an eyepatch"

"2 Goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"Hot Gums. Dude looks at a woman and thinks she has a beautiful smile. Dentists look at her and thinks she has beautiful gums.Never watch dentist porn."

"God's first concept for a long-necked quadriped was just a rough giraffe."

"There are 3 reasons for ""Liking"" someone's Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I'm liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you."

"A priest, a rabbi, a horse, and a blonde walk into a bar... ...The bartender says, ""What is this, some kind of joke?"""

"What's a shopaholic's favourite boy band? NSYNC"