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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a commercial for ""affordable napkins"" and now I feel stupid for buying all these diamond-encrusted ones."

"Do you think the guy responsible for squirting water in NFL players' mouths has ""rehydration specialist"" listed on his LinkedIn profile?"

"Funny Comeback Dad: you better pass your exam or else forget me as your father! son: ..... son: sure, whatever dad. FIVE HOURS LATER Dad: so how was your exam? Son: who the hell are you?"

"Why didn't the cops ever charge Abraham Lincoln? Because he was always in a cent."

"People who clap at the end of movies also join in singing ""Happy Birthday"" at a restaurant for a stranger"

"Heard this on NPR- Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body cut off? He's all right though."

"What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly? Viola."

"[""Platonic"" male friend rams car through my bedroom wall] I heard you broke up with your girl. You ok? Ready to give men a try now?????????"

"Did you hear about the mexican train killer? He had locomotives."

"Why did the semen cross the road? Because it was my first fap in over two weeks."