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Joke of the Day

"The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait."

"A scoliosis patient had given up hope of recovery.. But after the long and painful surgery, he took his first steps and humbly said ""I stand corrected""."

"I tried to catch fog yesterday... Mist."

"Why do babies love sticking things in their mouth? And why doesn't my girlfriend share this impulse?"

"So a navy man returns to his ship after a night in port. The next morning he's shocked to find everyone speaking Russian... Whoops, wrong sub."

"Niece: found these handcuffs in your drawer. Me: yea I got arrested once Niece: omg why Me: for going through my aunt's drawers."

"I got 99 problems and the bitch heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100."

"I was going to tell a joke about Rihanna and Chris Brown But I can't remember the punchline"

"What is uglier than an aardvark? Two aardvarks!"

"Why do University of Arkansas graduates tape their diplomas to the windshields of their cars? So they can park in handicapped spaces."