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Joke of the Day

"The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest."

"Two girl twins are born. One is named Skye after her perfect blue eyes The other has cataracts, so was called Claudia"

"I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn't do anything except send me notices that there's a new version of itself."

"Which of the Himalayas is the shortest?"

"How do you make a Chevy Malibu float? Pour a glass of soda and add two scoops of Chevy Malibu"

"Who was the most well rounded knight at King Arthur's round table? Circumference"

"I'm a polymorphic alien... ...and I have taken shape of this text, and at this very moment I am having sex with your eyeballs and by the smile on your face I can tell that you are enjoying it :)"

"Someone with OCD visited my TL whilst I was napping and now all my tweets seem to be facing the same way."

"He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He's a serial killer named Terrence Fishman & he plans to kill you Monday"

"I know a guy who owns an electrics and wiring company. He swears by employing only Germans and sending about a dozen of them to each contract.... He reckons that many Hans make lights work."