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Joke of the Day

"Thank Satan it's Monday."

"What's your most fucked up joke? I'm looking for the most cancerous jokes you can think of."

"My fire alarm keeps going off. I think it's because my girlfriend keeps coming in. She is smoking hot."

"The best part about talking to a narcissist is how there isn't any pressure to add to the conversation."

"Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the toilet? Because the P is silent!"

"GOOD COP: I hate crime! BAD COP: I lost my gun. BRAD COP: Check out my abs."

"What do you call a cat on a big plate? a platterpuss"

"Do they sell 2017 calendars by the month? Not sure I want to commit to a full year."

"Just remember Mom, you can't spell ""disappointment"" without ""appointment"" which reminds me I have to be at Hooters at 9 for my interview."

"I've never jumped onto a departing ferry or had a woman adjust my tie from behind me, you movie liars."