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Joke of the Day

"'If u insinuate that I'm fat again, I'm leaving you!' 'Don't be selfish, think about the baby.' 'What baby?' 'Oh, so you're not pregnant?'"

"What is the best part about raping a midget? Their arms are too short to hold you back."

"Today i convinced my brother for a full minute that the Beatles wrote ""blackbird"" about Batman"

"What happens when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? You get half way"

"What was Hitler's favourite aquatic animal? Adolfin."

"My dad told me this one: What do you call a room full of 50 lesbians and 50 nuns? 100 people who don't do dick."

"That awkward moment when your ex is dating someone who looks just like you."

"Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Actually, never mind. I'll finish, you'll be thoroughly disappointed, and then I'll start crying."

"The kids at school used to call my mum the village bike She wasn't promiscuous; when I was six years old she went missing and they found her in the canal. (Mat Ewins)"

"I think my washing machine used to belong to Usain Bolt. It has a setting for fast coloureds."