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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when cross religion with apples? Apple Jews."

"I only have eyes for you. We sold out of skin swaths & teeth a couple hours ago. Last few eyes are in that bucket. (50% off bruised ones.)"

"I accidentally jerked off to a picture of my mom this morning... I mean its really not my fault though, most babies look alike."

"Dear millionaires, If you don't have a bookcase that spins into a secret room then give your money to me because you're spending it wrong."

"Do hairy people get bed head all over? Ma'am, I just called to see if you're happy with your cell phone provider. But probably they do."

"Call me self-indulgent, but I only stay in motels that advertise ""color TV"" and ""air-conditioning"" on their sign out front."

"My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the band The Monkees, i thought she was joking... then i saw her face..."

"What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? There's twenty of them"

"If you ever see a tweet that says ""www@google.com"", that's my grandma trying to use the internet. Leave her alone."

"Why do i need to take English class in school hell George Bush became president, and he only knew 50 word. The last one being ""shoe"""