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Joke of the Day

"I only have eyes for you. We sold out of skin swaths & teeth a couple hours ago. Last few eyes are in that bucket. (50% off bruised ones.)"

"Want to solve the energy crisis? Develop a car that runs on self-delusion. Me and my fellow Americans have an unlimited supply."

"what do you call a baby in the middle of the ocean without arms or legs? fucked."

"5 black people walk into a restaurant... And the first one says, ""Table for three please."""

"Setting a teachers salary based on student performance is akin to paying a zookeeper based on how well the monkeys are behaving."

"did you know they are planning a sequel to fifty shades of grey in which both leads are played by men? they are gonna call it fifty shades of gay"

"""Umm, what are you doing? Can you not? Seriously, get off me!"" - The first horse ever ridden (probably)"

"Whats the difference between boobs and batteries? If they're AA, at least batteries have something positive"

"I want to marry a girl named Jane So that when our kids act out, I can just say it runs in the janepool."

"The only people who get more concussions than NFL players.. are their wives"