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Joke of the Day

"My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with the band The Monkees, i thought she was joking... then i saw her face..."

"Granny Smith must have been a shitty person because her apples suck."

"What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retriever"

"What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Taste"

"I'm totally hooked on masturbation! It's a dick thing.."

"I have a really good relatipnship with the elevator operator. We speak to eachother on so many different levels."

"Roses are red... Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have alzheimers ...cheese on toast."

"My son, who is 10, just explained that the things he did when he was 7 no longer reflect the person that he is now. I need a drink."

"Free shipping? I walked into an airport with two bags: ""I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."" ""Sir, you can't do that."" ""Why not? It happened the last time."""

"Did you hear about the Polish suicide bomber? 42 successful missions"