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Joke of the Day

"My dog has no legs. I call him Cigarette. Every night I come home from work, I take him for a drag."

"DUDE: first of all ME: oh shit this dude's about to make more than one point"

"Death changes a man My entire life my father voted straight Republican, since his death he has been voting straight Democrat."

"Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don't play."

"What fruit/vegetable doesnt leave your body through the anus? A Stomato"

"I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies."

"If you're upset about seeing a middle finger on TV, you're going to shit yourself when you see everything else going on in the world."

"I told my son if he doesn't step it up, I'm going to start living vicariously through someone else's kid."

"Mexican drug lords now have ig and keep posting selfies with stacks of money, mansions and yachts. I think the army... could really learn something from that recruitment campaign."

"Oxygen and magnesium went on a date... OMg!"