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Joke of the Day
"I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies."
Next Joke
"America, Britain isn't the ex who pretends it was mutual We're the ex who say 'Phew, missed a bullet there'"
"I just ran into my barber on the street. He asked me how I liked the haircut he gave me last week. I told him it's growing on me."
"Any TV can be a TV dinner if you eat TVs"
"I swallowed two strings by accident, and when I finally passed them they were miraculously tied together I shit you knot"
"Company suspends sponsorship deal with Sharapova after she failed drug test To protect Volkswagen's excellent brand image. They can't affiliate with people who might have cheated."
"Get your faces tattooed on each other, so if the wife ever says 'you're a joke' you can say 'the joke's on you' and disarm the situation."
"Dozing off during Sportscenter and waking up an hour later in the same clip is every guy's version of Memento."
"The only 'B' word you should ever call a woman is Beautiful..... Bitches love being called beautiful!"
"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... Because they always take things literally."