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Joke of the Day

"Stephen Hawking believes he's solved a huge mystery about black holes ...and he'll keep believing as long as we all play along, ok? He's adorable."

"If I had the power to control people's minds like Professor Xavier I'd probably just make them get me snacks."

"[girlfriend finally texts back] ME: i'm so mad at you. HER: i'm naked come over. ME: i'm not really mad i was jk lol omw babe"

"I hate when I'm trying to sleep at night But my ADHD's all like: One Sheep... Two Sheep... Cow... Chicken... Turtle... Ol' McDonald had a farm... Hey Macarena!!!"

"So this guy walks into a bar... Ouch!"

"I hope you're not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise. Oh no miss I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either."

"Why was the stoner kicked out of the eating competition? He was caught using performance enhancing drugs."

"I used to have a car that was made out of wood... The only problem was it woodn't go!"

"LPT: If at first you don't succeed Repost in another sub"

"Why are bears so hairy ? They don't have salons in the jungle !"