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Joke of the Day

"I hate when I'm trying to sleep at night But my ADHD's all like: One Sheep... Two Sheep... Cow... Chicken... Turtle... Ol' McDonald had a farm... Hey Macarena!!!"

"The guy who invented predictive text died last night... his funfair is next monkey"

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he sipped his coffee before it was cool."

"Chicago is the cleanest city in the world right now... BECAUSE IT JUST GOT SWEPT!!!!!!!!"

"What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold."

"Honey I Shrunk the Kids IV: They shrink everyone on earth on purpose The planet will never run out of resources Everyone is eaten by ants"

"What's the difference between a prostitute with irritable bowel syndrome and an epileptic oyster? You have to shuck the oyster between fits."

"What did Mike Meyers say to Eddie Murphy after Eddie bought him a brand new Mercedes? ""DANKE!"""

"How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, or two? One .... or two?"

"Me: Can I dip my breadstick in your Alfredo sauce? Him: Usually it's me asking you that. 13YO: SHUT UP. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"