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Joke of the Day

"Some girl asked what my sign was. I told her it was ""beware of dog"" and then I dry humped her leg."

"Trainer: ""ok, lets warm up 1st....wait, where are you going!?"" Me: ""tanning bed"""

"What state is the highest on every top 50 list? Colorado."

"LIFE HACK: eat a cookie evry time u hav a good idea. this asociates idea w/ cookie. now evry time u eat a cookie u will think of a good idea"

"Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange."

"Some hipsters were camping next to me and asked for help starting a fire. So, I chased one around until his corduroys burst into flames."

"What do you call someone who can't eat burnt toast? Black toast intolerant."

"In your will, be sure to write you want to be cremated. The night before you die, eat as many popcorn kernels as humanly possible."

"What does Donald Trump call his penis? Little Marco"

"You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up."