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Joke of the Day

"When people say 'oh, you're still single?' I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married?' I'm popular."

"I can hear my cat's stomach growling in D#... I better get him a tuna."

"How did Hitler tie his shoes? With little knotsies."

"""Get a load of this guy!""- Receptionist at a sperm bank."

"A vulture is boarding an airplane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, ""I'm sorry sir, there is only one carrion allowed per passenger."""

"I've been seeing this narcoleptic girl lately, it's going really well. I'm saving a fortune on Rohypnol."

"Don't worry if you missed 4/20 Because today is 4/20 too!"

"Snoop Dogg seems to be investing in a company that will deliver weed to your house in 10 minutes... Sadly, the name Instagram is taken."

"Olympic track makes you feel like you witnesed a crime, because you hear a gunshot and then see a bunch of black guys hauling ass."

"Are you sure? Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says, ""I think I've lost my electron."" The other asks, ""Are you sure?"" ""Yes,"" the first says, ""I'm positive."""