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Joke of the Day

"[in the park] ME: aww look a baby WIFE: is it on me?! ME: um no it's in a stroll- WIFE: *swatting herself* I FEEL LIKE IT'S ON ME"

"You never hear skinny people saying, ""I'm just small boned."""

"A-What's up? B(londe)-The ceiling..."

"I used to be in a band called The Prevention We hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

"I'm thinking of changing my name to Attention so i can get paid"

"[family feud] Steve Harvey: Top 5 answers on the board, name a place you would plant evidence... Me: *buzzes first* EVIDENCE GARDEN"

"Yo mama so fat she should be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem."

"I have a midget friend... He's epileptic and makes pizzas for a living. I call him ""Little Seizures""."

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper? One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost."

"White people will swim with sharks, wrestle with alligators, and sleep with tigers.... ....but get nervous when a person of color walks by. Sounds about white."