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Joke of the Day

"Asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog & Schrodinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not."

"If I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore."

"Each year I get invited to go on vacation with the same group of annoying people but I can't say no because they're my husband & children."

"I got jumped the other night, the muggers made off with my wallet, cuff links, and mood ring... I'm still not sure how I feel about that."

"How do computers measure pain? Gigahurts. (Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)"

"""I see an Irish man walking..."" Short I see an Irish man walking with only one shoe on. I tell him ""You're only wearing one shoe, you stupid cunt"". The Irish man replies ""No, I found one."""

"Some guy just read the funniest joke he's read all week, and then down-voted it. This joke is about him. What do you call an internet addict full of negativity? You don't. No one calls him. Ever."

"what do you call a bus full of white people a twinkie"

"I just realized that no matter what it says on my tombstone I'm going to have to read it upside down."

"I heard that Bruno Mars helped design the Apple Watch Dont believe me? Just watch"