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Joke of the Day

"If I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore."

"(After you win something, say this to the loser). You're like an Italian man with his foot in his mouth (Italian accent) You tasted defeat."

"""Tired"" isn't even a temporary state for me anymore it's more like a part of my personality at this point."

"""Yep, I'm going to jail."" When a State Trooper takes the same exit off the highway*"

"How fuckin' good do babies smell!? I wanna jam one up each nostril and rob a bank!"

"What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time"

"The problem with being in the center of attention is that half of it is always behind your back."

"Chris Rock and Drake Bell should make a Christmas special together, about making a song for a product... ...and call it ""Jingle Bell Rock."""

"Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!"

"Life is like a box of chocolates... ...it doesn't last long for fat people."