141152

Joke of the Day

"Each year I get invited to go on vacation with the same group of annoying people but I can't say no because they're my husband & children."

"I painted my computer black hoping it would run faster, but now it just doesn't work."

"You jerks sit here making your dumb pun jokes, while people in Africa don't even have drinking water Well Water; Uganda Due"

"What do you call a Muslim pilot? A hijacker"

"What's the difference between a dirty Greyhound station and a lobster with big breasts? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."

"How do you know if someone has run a marathon? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"[son hands me a picture he painted] Me: what's this Son: it's our house Me: have you ever actually looked at our house"

"I've realized that when my wife says ""what?"" its not because she didnt hear me, shes just giving me a chance to unsay something I just said."

"What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces themself."

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking JK Rowling"