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Joke of the Day

"How do computers measure pain? Gigahurts. (Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)"

"Why did the banana go to the hospital? It wasn't peeling well."

"What is a Skeletons porn-star name? Mr.Boner *edit I give this partial credit to that guy that sells meth on the street he-he."

"My Netflix subscription feels like one of those abusive relationships people are afraid of leaving."

"Why was the Muslim rubbing the goat? Not because he was in to bestiality, you Islamophobe. He was at the petting zoo for his wife's 9th birthday."

"One-Liner: Jobs growth in the United States is now down to just hair and fingernails."

"If you think my tweets are bad, you should see my choice in men."

"How do you catch an elephant? Dig a hole, line it with peas and fill it with ashes. That way when the elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole."

"What do you pasta with a witty comeback? Retortellini."

"I used to be an adventurer like you But then I took crippling adult responsibilities."