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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he's not coming."

"I had explosive diarrhea On the bight side i started the year with a bang"

"How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to pick up the phone and call some other asshole to do it."

"Two brothers wrote an exam. One got in, the other didn't. The one who didn't get in got in the second time. His TWIN chance was what got him in."

"What did the Brontosaurus say to the Stegosaurus? ""Get Jurassic over here!"""

"I can sympathize with batteries. I never get included in anything either."

"MISSING: Black and white cat with red collar. Very intelligent. Mittens, if you're reading this, please come home."

"Me: Goodnight Moon Moon: Well hi there. I can't hear you because I'm 240,000 miles away and sound doesn't travel in space. Die in a fire."

"Twitter: where strangers will explain your joke back to you."

"Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time? ...it was Luke warm."