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Joke of the Day

"Twitter: where strangers will explain your joke back to you."

"What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws while the other is a pause at the end of a clause."

"This morning I called work and told them I came down sick with Anal Glaucoma. And I couldn't see my ass making it in to work today."

"I guess I've cut back on my drinking... Time was, I'd buy a half gallon of bourbon and get drunk four times. Now I buy a half gallon and just get drunk twice."

"Hey my American friend, I heard you like Football jersey's so I got you the new Irish Kit!! *Um, Bro?*"

"I went to vegetarian restaurant the other day... I falafel afterwards."

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness... ...and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"Q: Where do Sith Lords shop? A: At Darth Mall."

"What is the difference between a pedophile and a sexually active wife of a cop? One wants to cop a feel and the other wants to feel a cop."

"Why can't an egg ever be in charge? Because they crack under pressure."