20062

Joke of the Day

"Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time? ...it was Luke warm."

"I once made an error in little league, When I signed up to play."

"[wife looking at sketch of donut burglar on the news] ""he looks like you"" [me holding huge glass of milk on way to basement] it's not though"

"What do MLK, Elvis, and the Houston Oilers have in common? They all died in Tennessee"

"This year for Christmas, I asked for a new pair of scissors.... My old pair just wasn't cutting it!!!"

"""Babe, is it in?"" *""Yea.""* **""Does it hurt?""** *""Uh huh.""* **""Let me put it in slowly.""** *""It still hurts.""* **""Okay, let's try another shoe size.""**"

"What's the difference between a hockey team and a New Jersey hooker? A hockey team showers after 3 periods."

"I haven't talked to my wife for 18 months I don't like to interrupt her."

"What do you call a guy in a suit sitting in a tree? Branch Manager"

"Me: Hey, can I have an Iphone 7 please? Apple guy: Possibly... What's your name? Me: Jack Apple guy: Sorry, no jacks."