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Joke of the Day

"Approach a woman in a bar and whisper ""Hey, wanna get out of here?"" If she says yes, you can sit where she was."

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"Swine Flu is back? Just when you think something is gone forever it comes back and makes people sick.. Just like Dennis Rodman"
"Who get's the best grades? A-sians"
"I just released a new fragrance, and the people on this elevator are not happy about it."
"""If anyone has any objections, speak now or- SHES LITERALLY A BANANA Groom: IS THIS TRUE EMMA? Best man: I f'kin KNEW she bruised too easily"
"What did the tailpipe say to the muffler? I'm exhausted. What did the muffler say back? ^mmmmbfmbm"
"Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag."
"Sure, I could agree with you.... Buy why should we BOTH be wrong?"
"Why did the console cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side."
"Russian proverb: the church is near, but the road is icy... The pub is far away, but I'll walk carefully."