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Joke of the Day

"The wife just said ""right, pack ur bags and go ya lazy bastard."" I said,""fuck off...you pack them."""

"I finally figured out why Donald Trump married Melania... ...she came from ***YUUUUUUUUUUUUG***oslavia. ~~(thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week)~~"

"I bought some green apples about a week ago I can't believe they're still not ripe"

"Don't ever go camping. That shit's intense."

"I think I have a genetic predisposition to diarrhea... It runs in my jeans."

"My Korean friend died yesterday... So Yung..."

"Please pray for my friends' 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn't photographed or documented on Facebook today."

"""Always leave them wanting more"" is great advice for a performer. Restaurant owners, on the other hand..."

"My Reddit posts are just like my prostitutes. They always end up getting buried."

"What was the vegan craving when he got bit by a zombie? GRRRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNNSSSS"