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Joke of the Day

"Cholo What did the cholo say when two houses fell on him? ""Get off me, homes!"" My brother heard this on Tosh."

"Me: check out this new gadget. It carbonates anything! Friend: cool Me: yeah even blood Friend: um I gotta go Me: lol no you're staying"

"I used to work for Goodyear, but I had to quit... I got too tired."

"Trying to improve my street cred by lowering our minivan a couple inches."

"Girl and Boy Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"BOOK FACT: If you took every book in our store and laid them end to end you would be thrown out by security and banned from returning."

"If I squint really hard, nope. You're still an idiot."

"What's another name for floor pie? 3."

"If you find something wrong with EVERY person you meet maybe it's because you haven't been introduced to yourself!"

"I told my mom that I have an Oedipus complex. She asked if I was serious. I told her, ""Nah, I'm just fucking with you."""