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Joke of the Day

"Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it's my modesty that stands out."

"What did the Priest say to the Church of Vegetables? Lettuce pray."

"My friend said I should move to Alaska... ..He said it's pretty cool there."

"What's a panda's favorite kitchen dish? A pan....duh"

"Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens."

"I'm not a basic Jew, I'm Hasidic."

"Text response from a confused carcass: I decay."

"while out today at a restaurant... my waitress had a black eye. so when i ordered i made sure i talked verrrryyyy slowww obviously she wasnt a good listener."

"I've heard that pineapple juice makes your semen taste better, so I decided to try it. The semen tasted better, but the juice tasted much worse."

"Would've totally banged this chick at the bar, but I noticed she had a crooked pinkie toe. Better luck with someone without standards,babe."