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Joke of the Day

"while out today at a restaurant... my waitress had a black eye. so when i ordered i made sure i talked verrrryyyy slowww obviously she wasnt a good listener."

"At lunch with 5 of my bestest phones!!!"

"What did the wall outlet say to the appliance? ""You're grounded."""

"Fire engines are painted red for camouflage, so they can sneak up on fires without being noticed"

"I like my women like I like my wine... 7 years old and locked up in a cellar"

"How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and one to hold the penis. I mean ladder, one to hold the ladder."

"What do you call a dead chicken that likes to throw things? A **Poultry**geist. Thanks! I will show myself out."

"Why does Waldo wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted"

"What do you call a redhead [NSFW] ...in an interracial gangbang? Red Riding Hood Happy Halloween."

"[Biden runs into the oval office] ""Barack, ISIS are on the phone. They want a shipment of updog. I asked what it is but they just laughed"""