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Joke of the Day

"How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at him/her!"

"I'm also not racist/ I think everyone should own a black person."

"Apparently, the correct reply to ""Where've you been it's 3am, you're drunk & have lipstick on your collar"" is not ""You're next, fatty!"""

"My european friend Opee is opening up a restaurant where he claims to have the 'worlds best pizza'. His restaurant is in the middle of no where, but don't worry Opee Delivers"

"Whats the difference between driving and getting a blowjob? I can only hold one beer when I'm driving."

"When my cats look out the window at another cat I like to pretend they're judging and disparaging it with little British accents."

"I don't have a drafts folder. My tweeting style is ""blender without the lid on""."

"Medical humour Q. What do you call a white blood cell with one leg? A. A limp-phocyte. (You're welcome)"

"Better than a Justin Bieber concert: 1. Being deaf. 2. A rattlesnake bite. 3. Chewing razor blades. 4. Licking a public toilet seat."

"Where do pens and pencils go on vacation? Pennsylvania"