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Joke of the Day

"Apparently, the correct reply to ""Where've you been it's 3am, you're drunk & have lipstick on your collar"" is not ""You're next, fatty!"""

"911: What's your emergency? [sounds of struggling and growling] 911: Hello?! Me: I OFFERED THIS RACCOON MY SANDWICH BUT I CHANGED MY MIND"

"My sister thinks macadamia nuts is an STD."

"What type of fighting technique do amputees practice? Partial arts."

"How do you spot a sumo at a feminist rally? Look for the one with shaved legs...."

"Why did the chess master order a Russian bride? He needed a Chech mate!"

"What is the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine."

"Why do Arabs only buy Chevy Trucks? Because they're like Iraq."

"[text from friend) Her: You doing okay? Me: Yeah I guess. Why, what have you heard?"

"I'm pretty happy that human skin isn't see-through."