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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between driving and getting a blowjob? I can only hold one beer when I'm driving."

"How do hens always know what size your egg cup is? They don't but all eggs always fit."

"What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep."

"I accidentally dropped my girlfriends epilepsy medication in the washing machine... ...now her clothes don't fit anymore"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? bu-buk-buk- becaaause! (pretend i made chicken noises)"

"I find the f1 key really attractive. I think I need help."

"I recently bought 51% of a vampire hunting company. I'm now the main stake holder."

"Sometimes you just need to reach out and touch someone. With a shovel. On the side of the head."

"It's always I before E Except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor."

"I have a bad feeling I'll be wearing one of those barrels with suspenders by the end of the year, but not in a fun, whimsical way."