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Joke of the Day

"My european friend Opee is opening up a restaurant where he claims to have the 'worlds best pizza'. His restaurant is in the middle of no where, but don't worry Opee Delivers"

"I saw a homeless man holding a sign. It said, ""2 will change my life."" Unfortunately, I only had a 5 note in my pocket."

"You know what they should call ""Tinder"" in Manhattan? The New York Cock Exchange"

"2000 years ago somewhere in the Middle East 'I do not care who your father is. When I am out here fishing you do not walk on the water...'"

"I'm not saying it's hard for me to lose weight, I'm just saying if you interrupt me when I'm eating I'm starting over."

"And then I was all: ""I'm really getting sick of your shit, bitch."" And then she was all: ""To speak with a representative please press 7."""

"""If you break up with me, I will beach myself."" -dramatic whale"

"I honestly never believed that whole story about Lance Armstrong walking on the moon."

"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windscreen which said, 'Parking Fine.' That was nice..."

"If I could have back all the money I've spent on drugs and alcohol, I'd celebrate by buying more drugs and alcohol."