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Joke of the Day

"My wife asked me to go out and get something that makes her look pretty. So I went out and got drunk."

"Today I found out what it was like to play a FPS First person shoveler. gg blizzard."

"Rules to live by: 1. Be kind to strangers 2. Don't cheat on your taxes 3. Everything in moderation 4. Bury the body at sea"

"Weeaboos go to Japan and be like... W-where are the subtitles?"

"Relationships are a lot like algebra... Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?"

"Unexplainable things: 1) Stonehenge 2) ESP 3) How my car insurance company can magically lower my renewal cost when I threaten to leave them"

"The barman says ""Sorry, we don't serve time travelers here"" A time traveler walks into a bar."

"I'm skipping the gym today because I already have a six pack... waiting for me in the fridge at home."

"Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading."

"Have you heard about the invention of the shovel? It was groundbreaking"