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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an English pig and a French pig? A French pig goes, ""Oui! Oui! Oui!"" all the way home."

"How can you tell your boyfriend has a high sperm count? You have to chew before you swallow."

"Did you hear that the Apple CEO announced he was gay? The next day the Samsung CEO also announced he was gay and waterproof."

"There's a party in my pants, with an all you can eat buffet, and a VIP entrance in the rear."

"I just farted for 6 seconds and now I'm a dubstep DJ."

"They say you're not supposed to go to the grocery store when you're hungry. It's been several days now, what should I do?"

"If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with ""and lastly""."

"Sober in an Uber: Please don't talk to me. I don't know you. Drunk in an Uber: I want to get married one day, but I put up emotional walls"

"The only way to score with a robot Is to get it in the mode"

"Why do ballet dancers always stand on their toes? Could they not hire taller dancers?"