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Joke of the Day

"What's your favorite position? Juxta"

"My redneck cousin is looking for a girl into multiple partners. I told him that was ridiculously cliche... I mean really. Cracker wants a poly?"

"GOD: welcome to Heaven I will answer any question you want now. ME: why does Target have 25 checkout lanes with only 2 always open? GOD: ..."

"Q: Why do you look out the window in the morning? A: Because you can't see through walls, and you can't see anything at night anyway."

"If I had a dollar for every time an idea got shot down in the meeting because ""We don't have the budget"", I would finally have the money to execute that idea."

"Two men walk into a bar... the third one ducks."

"When you're in the voting booth this fall, remember that Abe Lincoln didn't slay all those vampires so that Trump could become President."

"I woke up, after a drunken night, with two tattoos on my dick, but one of them was done in regular pen ink. So I rubbed one out."

"What the the electrician say to his buddy? Watts up?!"

"{At the art museum with my newborn son} baby: dada? Me: it's impressionist you stupid baby"