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Joke of the Day

"If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with ""and lastly""."

"A man walks into a bar. He goes ""I really shouldn't be walking through a building site"" and leaves."

"""I'm sorry"" & ""I apologize"" mean the same thing unless... you're at a funeral."

"How does Planned Parenthood paint their walls? They go to Home Depot, get paint and rollers Sometimes they hire private contractors Lots of paint and tarps and tape, it's not that fun"

"Every time I tie my shoe I feel like I'm giving a faraway sniper the go signal."

"Q. What's the difference between a line dance instructor and a dentist? A. A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you."

"What is common between 5 and 7? Brendan Sullivan"

"is this your first day on the internet? men are men, women are men, and children are cops..."

"I wore a leather jacket into a vegan restaurant and now I'm hiding in the bathroom."

"Why is r/Jokes only text, and forbids external links? Because black people can't be offended if they're only reading jokes."