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Joke of the Day

"If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with ""and lastly""."

"Q: Why do fish live in saltwater? A: Pepper makes them sneeze."

"I lost a good friend today, he asked me to pick up some non-alcoholic beer."

"[ants at a Def Leppard concert] *Pour Some Sugar on Me starts* Ant 1: Oh hell yeah I love this one Ant 2: Sugar is good for us and the queen"

"Gay people make me sick I should really stop deepthroating them so hard..."

"Nice try, operating instructions. Nice try. I've got this. *grabs a hammer*"

"Her: You know, alot of men are going to be miserable when I marry. Me: Well how many men do you plan to marry?"

"Did you hear about that promising new male porn star? His studio described him as ""up and cumming""."

"Why are black people good at basketball? Because they shoot, steal, and run."

"I'm sick of these people turning up at my door, telling me they're my saviours and if I don't listen I'll burn. Fucking firemen."