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Joke of the Day

"Son have I told you about the birds & the bees? Dad you're an ornithologist & moms an entomologist it's literally all you guys talk about"

"Did you hear they are still going to run the New York Marathon? Phelps is the favourite."

"My trademark fight move is to ask someone very nicely not to hit me or be mean to me."

"There's a silver lining for survivors of the Nepal earthquake... They felt the city breaking, And everybody was shaking, But they were stayin' alive. Stayin' alive."

"Boss: Project's way behind. Suggestions? I'm willing to try anything. Me: *raises hand* Him: Anything but ""helper monkeys"" Me: *lowers hand*"

"Yes hello 911, I put a smaller microwave inside a bigger microwave and now there's a wormhole in my kitchen"

"Why is one side of the V always longer than the other when geese are flying south for the winter ? It's because there are more geese on that side."

"On the list of things I fear the most, ""death"" comes in as a close second to ""audience participation"""

"which is the best key on keyboard?"

"Soon as I finish untangling these earphones I'm goin to google who made them & I'm going to ask them to invent shoelaces that tie themselves"