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Joke of the Day

"Soon as I finish untangling these earphones I'm goin to google who made them & I'm going to ask them to invent shoelaces that tie themselves"

"*sees cars lined up outside church* wife: Is that a funeral or a wedding? me: What's the difference?"

"When they eventually make a movie about Joseph Fritzel it'll be called 'Honey, I've entrapped, raped, impregnated and demoralized the kids.'"

"Whats brown and rhymes with snoop? Dre"

"What Moby Dick's fathers name? Papa Boner"

"Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was a woman."

"What's the hardest thing about finding a dead baby on the beach? Hiding the erection."

"How'd you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you later."

"UKIP joke A man walked into a Pakistani book shop and asked the owner if they had UKIP's new book. The shop owner said ""Fuck off, get out and stay out."" So the man replied, yep that's the one."

"I'm not a basic Jew, I'm Hasidic."