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Joke of the Day

"I asked my friend, ""If you could have any superpower in the world, what would it be?"" He said, ""Cold War Russia."""

"[high school] Teacher: do u have your homework? Ryan Lochte: I was murdered last night"

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? *A gummy bear.*"

"Before saying anything like ""you have really soft hands for a man"", just be like so goddamned sure they're a man."

"What do a priest and a swimmer who came in second have in common? The both came in a little behind"

"GIVE ME THE PUNS, ALL OF EM Hit me with your puns reddit"

"Judge: How do you find the defendant? Jury Foreman: Well...I guess I just look right at him. Why -- isn't that how you do it?"

"A Muslim, an Illegal Immigrant, and a Marxist walk into a bar... And the bartender asks, ""What'll ya have, Mr. President?"""

"Walter Jr. had to use both feet to operate the pedals. He was braking bad."

"What do you call a crew of handsome Italian astronauts? Fine specimens."