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Joke of the Day

"My friend just ordered a kale and quinoa salad and a side of eggplant fries and now I'm blinded by whiteness."

"what did 0 say to the 8? nice belt"

"How do you grill sheep? With Samsung Batteries."

"If Bruce Willis does any more Die Hard movies it will just be 90 minutes of him sitting in a rocking chair waiting to die from the flu."

"how do you know Jesus was a virgin? Could you keep it up knowing you'll be screaming ""Oh my dad"" during sex?"

"Men are like cement. After getting laid they take a long time to get hard."

"I'm currently writing a musical about diggers trapped in a mine. I think it's gonna be in the key of A-flat minor."

"What happens when geese land in a volcano ? They cook their own gooses !"

"Maglev train hits 310mph in Japan. Critics say it has barely left the ground."

"How to bargain with your wife Me: Can I get a motorcycle? Wife: No. Me: Can. I get a boat? Wife: NO! Me: Can I get a blowjob? Wife: (sighs) Is it a BIG boat?"